7 Tips To Plan a Stress Free Wedding

Throw back to when this handsome dude and I tied the knot! 10.1.11

Looking at my last blog post I realized I haven't been doing a great job being active with my website and blog. As much as I know I should have kept up with it, it has been a very crazy year! A quick recap before I go into what I really wanted to talk about today.

I spent the last year among other things, working as the Catering Director at a country club here in Nashville. While being in that role I continued planning weddings, but not as the sole coordinator for the day, but more as the complete facility coordinator. Although I enjoyed that position very much, I truly did miss my role as a day of coordinator and working hand in hand with my brides. Just as I left that position I was able to squeeze in a few weddings as the day of coordinator and it felt so good! Since then, some of you may know that we are now expecting another babe! With the fantastic news of growing our family, I decided to slow down with my coordinating while I got settled into my new role as stay at home mommy to soon to be 2 kiddos.

During my time off I've been happy to hear about some newly engaged friends, family, and friendly acquaintances! With the influx of soon to be newlyweds, I've had some questions and listened to many tales of wedding planning processes of all sorts. Which has got me thinking about the things I always tell the brides I am coordinating for during their planning process. I've been lucky enough to have been a part of many different kinds of weddings and have found a few key things to be true for most. With that, I decided I'd share some of my insight for any of you who are currently planning a wedding, are helping someone plan their wedding, or hey, maybe you are just dreaming of planning your future wedding! Haha! Here are a few of my wedding planning tips that may steer you away from unnecessary stress. Take them or leave them, either way I hope you have a very stress free and enjoyable planning process.

1. Date/Venue

This one I always feel is obvious, but I'm surprised more often than not to find that most couples decide on the one special date that they want to exchange their nuptials on and they haven't nailed down a venue for that date. Many venues book up a year in advance especially for those key wedding months like May, June, Sept, Oct. It's important that once you decide on your special date that you find your special venue soon after. If you're lucky the venue will have your date open and will ask for a deposit to reserve a date. Many venues will let you "pencil in" your name on the date until you decide but PLEASE remember like with most things, money talks. If someone comes looking at that same special date and is ready to pay for the deposit right then and there, you may end up losing out. Even if they promised they'd call, there are always outside factors that can change that; ie the person you talked to is out of town and someone else took the deposit for the other bride, or maybe they couldn't get a hold of you right away and ended up releasing the date, etc. My point is, if you love a place and a date, put down the deposit. Most deposits are non-refundable, however there may be a grace period for the refund so ask about that before you book a place.

2. Budget

Set a budget early. Whether you're paying for the wedding yourself, or you're getting help, a budget is key to making sure you don't overspend and end up not having any money for things like your honeymoon! There are plenty of sample budgets out there online that you can print of or use online and I highly suggest using one. Make sure to research general costs of the items listed for your area so you have realistic numbers to go off of. After meeting with a vendor be sure to get a decent quote from them so you can put it in your budget to be sure it works. A lot of venues and vendors will let you make payments for the services as you go. That usually helps to alleviate writing large checks right before the wedding and therefore, lowering your stress level. It's SO nice to have everything paid for before the big day so all you have to do is show up and have fun.

3. Food

Believe it or not one of the biggest budget factors of your wedding will be for food and beverage. Couples are always surprised, and usually frustrated, by the costs of catering and bar services for weddings. The fact of the matter is, you want food at your wedding and caterers know they can charge an arm and a leg for it. But there's also factors that you may not realize come along with catering such as service, food prep, setup, clean up, and maintenance. Even if you decide to have an "easy" option like buffet style, caterers still have to prep the food with a staff, have a staff put it out in a lovely manor and maintain the buffet while it's being self served. Then there's clean up. Plated meals tend to be more expensive because they are more labor intensive and usually are higher priced items. Keep in mind if you go with a venue that is outside and doesn't offer catering, there are things that need to be brought in to keep it warm, stored, and replenished. I like to advise couples to find a venue (if they can) that has a catering option offered in the venue package. They will have onsite facilities to prepare your food and will usually have more flexibility to negotiate menus with you. Outside caterers don't always have that flexibility to offer because so much goes into actually getting the food to your venue and served.

While planning your menu keep in mind that proteins are going to be your higher priced items with beef and fish at the top and chicken and pork as less expensive options.

4. Vendors

These days there seems to be a vendor for everything! Photography, videography, cake baker, photo booth attendant, coordinators, musicians, DJs, etc! This tip comes from experience with many different weddings. A good photographer is probably your most well spent money. Don't get me wrong, there are A LOT of photographers out there and I'm definitely not saying go and find the most expensive one out there. Do your research. Find someone whose photos you love and meet with them to be sure you mesh. You'll be spending a lot of time with them on the day of and the last thing you want is someone who doesn't make you comfortable in front of the camera or doesn't do a thorough job. The day goes by quick. SO quick! You may not even remember most of the day by the end of it, but you'll have the pictures forever. So find a good photographer.

Guests come to weddings for two reasons apart from seeing you say I Do; the food and the party. Now this may not be the case for every wedding, but I've seen it with more weddings than not. Even if you're having a very simple menu for food, guests will appreciate the effort for good food. Not a deal breaker, but just something to keep in mind.

A good DJ or band is also very important. Please don't get me started with the friends of friends DJ who only does it for fun and ends up playing the wrong song for the first dance or can't coordinate the songs for the processional down the aisle. Nothing is more embarrassing to a couple than a bad DJ or entertainer. Believe me on this one. Interview your choice carefully and even ask to come see some of their work! A good DJ will go off a schedule and will get a feel for the crowd. If it's not a party crowd, they'll play the music that is fitting for them and vice versa. I can tell you stories about Djs who only played "club" music and the crowd never left their seats. *face palm!*

A day of coordinator is key. I don't say this because it's what I do, but because it's so true. Do you really want your mom/aunt/grandma/family friend in charge of making sure everything is in place? If they don't do it as a profession, I can tell you they may just end up creating more stress for you or not getting to enjoy the day for themselves. Nothing makes me sadder than seeing a mama so busy trying to make sure everything is perfect for her daughter that she misses out on actually seeing her daughter get married and have her day. Mamas: this day is a big day for you too! Don't do it to yourself. A day of coordinator will have a schedule that all the vendors will go by and will be your personal assistant for the day. Need grandma for a special pic? Got it. Flower girl lost her basket? No worries! Family members caught in traffic? Don't stress! Your coordinator will handle it. Maids/Matrons of honor, this is not your job. Your job is to make sure the bride is calm, hydrated, holds the dress when she has to pee, and most of all keeps the other bridesmaids in line. (I see you feisty bridesmaids that take longer to get ready than the bride...newsflash, this day isn't about you. Be helpful! end rant. lol) The same goes for you best men, except for maybe the holding the dress to pee part...although, just because I haven't seen it yet, doesn't mean it can't happen. ;) The point is, if you can afford a coordinator, you'd be silly not to hire one.

5. RSVPs

These days you are lucky to get your RSVP cards back before the requested date if you get them back at all! Yes, it is quite frustrating, you pre-stamped the card! They only had to mark it and stick in the mailbox!!! Reality is, people forget or assume you know their answer. Again, frustrating. Big tip: set your RSVP date 1-2 weeks before you actually need the number. If you need everything in to the caterer 2 weeks out, get the RSVPs back a month ahead. Most people who respond will either respond close to the requested date or after. This will save you some headache. But keep in mind, there are going to be those who don't RSVP or bring a plus one even though you specifically said not to OR they say they are coming and don't. Don't fret. People will come or they won't. And yes, it's quite frustrating because you paid for their meal but it's neither something you can control nor should spend too much time worrying about it. Just keep those who ditch out in mind the next time you have a party. haha! Best rule of thumb I give to couples is the 80/20 rule. Typically about 80% of invited guests will come and 20% won't. That of course may be different for guest lists that have many out of towners invited. But it gives you a good idea to go off of and budget for. ALWAYS make sure you have enough budgeted for the amount that you invite! I impress upon you not to invite 250 guests if you can only afford to have 200. The 80/20 rule is close but there is always the chance that everyone will come! Don't put yourself through that stress. Budget for the entire amount you're inviting.

6. Family

Family is very important. Let me say that again, family is very important! I impress upon that because I don't want you to be confused by what I say next. Do not let your family take over. (unless of course that's what you want!) Many couples start to feel the wedding stress early on in the process and a lot of times it has to do with family members. Whether they are overly involved, not involved at all, or handing out opinions like suckers to kids in grocery stores, make sure you set clear boundaries and let them know what you're comfortable with them helping out with. Of course you'd love to make everyone happy, but try to remember this is your wedding, your special day that you probably will only get once in your lifetime (unless of course you do it all over again renewing your vows in 50 years right? ;) ). The point is, you love your family, they love you, just be sure you remember what this day is actually all about. Which brings me to my last point.

7. Priorities

I like to remind couples that the whole reason for this gloriously planned special day is that two people who love each other decided to spend their life together. Isn't that huge?! That's everything! Despite everything that goes on during the process, remember at the end of the day the most important part of it all is that you and your fiance enjoy the very special time when you join hearts and lives. I promise you a year from the wedding you'll be laughing about the things that went wrong, talking about the things you probably should have or would have done differently, but you'll mostly remember how fast it all went and how much love you had in you that day.

Taking the priorities tip a step further and in a different direction, it's always important to talk about what you both want most out of your wedding. If having an open bar and partying your booty off is what you're all about, shift your money that way and maybe don't spend quite as much on food and cake. If you are all about food, make sure you find a caterer you're happy with and shift some more of you budget that way than other places. This will help your budget once you decide where you want to spend your money.

I'm sure there are many more wedding planning tips floating around in my brain that I could share and would happily do so if asked, but those are the ones I say most often. For all of you planning a wedding, I wish you the best of luck and a very stress free process.

Happy Planning!

xo,

Lace